That Ishkabibble

Could you STFU?

One. Stop typing in all Caps. This isn’t YouTube. There isn’t a Audio button that we can hear how LOUDLY you’re typing. Get it, asshat? How Loudly you’re TYPING? Stop it.

Two. I forgot what Two was. #kanyeshrug

Three. I KNOOOOW you love your significant other. I’m so happy for you. Love is beautiful. Such a beautiful thing. But shit, Casanova. Do I have to hear about it, all through out the day. . C’mon. No really. Shut the f*ck up. You and Pookie Baby Girl may be attached at the hip. But its not MY hip.

*Said message does not apply to those who are married or in the process of said ceremony…

Four. Alphanumeric messages are for morons. I d0n’t car3 if y0u think this is cut3. ITs not, b!+ch.

Five. Typing like you have Shift Key turrets isn’t cute eitherThIs iS fOr FuCkInG ReTaRdS. Do You know how much time and energy is wasted doing that shit. If you are older than 3, you should type like you still don’t shit in pampers for a living. Damn eyeballs wanna commit seppuku trying to read that. Why is you GANGBANGING on the shift key, bruh?

Six: Thug-a-lisms. If you are planning on assaulting someone. Just do it. That menacing screw face sneer and autistic yelling at the monitor…isn’t scary. You can’t spacebar and Caps Lock the shit outta anybody. Your going to actually have to fight them. Why give up the element of surprise by letting your opponent know you’re mad …or whatever you call that you’re doing.

Seven: If you are having a bad day. EVERYDAY. Don’t tell us. We don’t care enough to CARE enough if you put it in your status. After the …third consecutive pathetic ass status message, I would recommend you LOG the hell off, and seek help. I don’t care if you gotta go down to the bus stop and talk to Jimmy Joe the crackhead. Come back with a smile on your perpetual e-face or don’t come back at all.

Eight: You’re “rich”. I get it. I’m not. So shut up.

Nine: If you’re going to put something extra witty or copy and paste your favorite artist/rapper/actor/poet....Know what the hell you are talking about. Make sure it “APPLIES TO YOU“. Not a thug…quote-ables from the hardest rapper on EARF won’t make you hard. Poppin a cap in someone’s ass does that. Beyonce…if you don’t have a boyfriend…or have been single for YEARS….Put a Ring on it DOESN’T APPLY TO YOU….and you ARE probably Replaceable, boo. You’re happy OBAMA won…but you didn’t vote.

Ten: Controversial status updates are fun. But why not just make it into a note? Gives you room to back up that bull hockey doo doo shit you’re talking…

That is all. Kumbaya and all that jazz. Sprinkles on your cupcakes and shit.

Peace.